The Ninth Wheel
I’ve been perpetually single my entire life. Despite my ongoing circumstance, I’ve always been pretty content in my singledom. I’ve never been a serial dater, and I’ve never been one of those girls who dates a guy just to have someone around. On the contrary, I’m either 100% single or 100% in a “relationship.” Obviously none of those past relationships have worked out for me, but they were all meaningful to my life in some way.I’ve just come off of a marvelous, yet bittersweet weekend where for the first time in my life, I felt an air of discontentment over being single. Saturday my friends and I celebrated the birthday of one fabulous gal pal and on Sunday we said goodbye to another who’s leaving us for the Windy City. Through all of this I noticed that it was the first time that each one of my close friends is coupled up and I’m not.
Now I must say that I’m extremely happy for all of my friends. It was this time last year when I was the one in a relationship and everyone else was single, so I’m all too familiar with how fantastic it feels to be in love (or something that lies on the spectrum). Now I’m the odd one out and I must say I’m a twinge jealous.
I’ve been the odd one out before. In college for instance, all of my roommates had boyfriends and I didn’t (most of the time). It didn’t bother me then. So why now?
Another self-observation. I’m usually one to have a hard time when a friend drops me for a guy. Even if I like the guy they’re dating, it hurts to be put on the back-burner.
To top it off, it’s springtime. Everyone is happy in love and I’m just the cynical New Yorker in the backdrop who’s making fun of (i.e. projecting my angst onto) all the happy people.
Pairing these sentiments together I can only conclude that my current discontentment is rising from the fear of being left at the end of the dinner table a la Bridget Jones spouting off about singletons being covered in scales. Alas, the joy of the possibility of being the ninth wheel. Ug.
It’s funny how the fear of something motivates people to act. In this scenario it’s become apparent to me why so many single urban women go through their twenties in a blissful state, realize they’re the only one left, and then snap into “find a husband mode.” It’s desperation at it’s finest.
Clearly, I’ve got to put things into perspective so I don’t become one of these women, however it sure does suck being left out of the couple’s club.
posted by Lisa @ 10:30 AM
12 Comments:
i'm going to pitch a show to the networks..."desperate spinsters". a group of late-twenty-something girls in nyc frantically trying to catch the last train to matrimony. could be more realistic than that teri hatcher garbage on sunday nights no?
For what it's worth, having met you in person I am utterly baffled that you don't have them lined up around the block. Then again, I know only too well how brutal this city is when it comes to dating. I have no doubt you'll find your match, though.
Also knowing Miss Elle, I can say with confidence that her current single state is just about the fact that she hasn't crossed paths with the right guy yet, and that's nothing to feel badly about (though I do not deny that I noticed the situation at brunch for the first time and thought it sucked). Crossing paths with the wrong guys is only fun in the short-term, and there's also nothing wrong with that.
I went two and a half years in NYC without crossing the right path. Miss Elle will eventually too (you have a ways to go to hit the 2-and-a-half year single point!!). I know you know that this will happen for you in the end, so for now it should be about fun (and potential nicely accented boys on the horizon).
P.S. I also know the point of this post was more about the proliferation of boys in the group lately. But this was an "event heavy" weekend ... luckily they aren't always around ;)
Thanks so much for your post today. I was feeling down this afternoon about pretty much the same thing. You sound like an awesome, smart, articulate woman, which means you deserve someone just as amazing. He is out there!
i absolutely feel you on this.
Yeah, I think us awesome girls just don't come across equally awesome guys enough. And I'm the same way, I'm ok with being single until every once and awhile I'm in a group of couples and I get a twinge of jealousy.
Talk about a mood lift...Thanks for all the kinds words!
MS...yes, it was an event heavy weekend. I'm happy it's not that way all the time, then I'd just be plain depressed :-)
Missy, I remember not to long ago when you were in love with the German and I was recovering fom a broken heart. I felt much like you do now... But tahnkfully this dating merry-go round keeps spinning and it's only a matter of time before it is your turn again...
And don't worry about me disappearing anytime soon. I'm not to serious about my situation. I spent the earlier part of the evening upstairs hitting on Cute Scott from Minneapolis.
Go figure...
Downtown...Minneapolis?!?!? Jesus, we need to get you back to Wisco for a whirl ;-)
He was very cute! What's with the mid-west, I'm starting to think they are putting something in the milk out there. All the guys are just my type - tall, nice teeth and curly, floppy hair. (SIGH)
Trust me, there IS something in the water out there...
To use our word-o'-the-weekend...the majority of mid-western boys are very "beefcakey"
i so feel you on this...the life of the single gal sucks sometimes.
we're all waiting for that thunderbolt...soon enough, soon enough. without waiting.
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