To Be Polite or To Not Be Polite?
We’ve all encountered this situation: You’re out on a date and it dawns on you that you no longer want to be there. So what do you do to get out of it?Over the weekend a friend of mine used a tactic that certainly cuts the cord quickly although resulted in an expectedly unfavorable outcome.
My friend and I were out on a “double date” and the night was coming to an end. Given my last two blog posts, I certainly was in no mood for a raging night out and was slightly anxious to collapse onto my bed with a quality cup of tea. My friend had clearly had her fill for the evening as well, but I don’t think it was because she was fatigued. In fact, it was because she knew she wasn’t entirely interested in her date anymore and wanted an out. Nothing wrong with that.
So as we were sipping our last drinks of the evening, I looked over and my friend had started chatting with a random guy that had approached her. Her date was oddly boxed out of their conversation although he clearly could hear what was being said. In just a few minutes my friend gave her number to the new guy right in front of her date. Her date looked crushed and a little bit pissed off.
Disclaimer: I’m by no means judging my friend for her tactics, as she is completely comfortable with her choices. I just disagree and wouldn’t have the nerve to do the same.
So the result of her in-your-face brush off? Obviously her date was disappointed and put off. As we caught cabs to our respective ends of the island, I had the privilege to hear that her date “never wanted to talk to her again.” Ouch.
My friend is a fabulously single catch and has the complete right to give her number to anyone she wants to. So the fact that she was having a mediocre time and decided to go balls out and give a guy her number in front of her date is totally up to her. Why not right? She’s single and likes meeting people. I guess my point here is: when do you stop being gracious when you know you’d rather be somewhere else?
Personally, I prefer the direct approach, even if it’s unpleasantly blunt. If I’m not interested in a guy, I’m gonna tell him. Breaking things off is a naturally uncomfortable thing to do, for both people involved and regardless of the circumstances. No one likes to be the bearer of bad news and no one likes to be rejected. So knowing that a break up (long term or short) will be hard anyway, why make things worse by doing anything but being candid?
Perhaps it’s everyone’s prerogative, but I hope someday to meet someone who genuinely appreciates my blunt nature. And for the record…I can take it too.
posted by Lisa @ 3:33 PM
5 Comments:
i don't have the guts to be that blunt. normally if i'm not interested, i just let it all fizzle out and it will when you no longer come across as being too enthusiastic bout meeting up. but so far it hasn't been too hard since i'm most likely to be the one to get my heart broken rather than to break someone else's heart.
Good for her! She may have lost her chance w/ the other guy if she hadn't give her number out at the time.
Something similar happened to me recently & I lost out on a more interesting guy...
The answer depends on your personality doesn't it? Because I value politeness, well revere it, and believe in Karma, i would not have gone for the in-your-face. Blunt can be balanced with politeness. Perhaps "considerate honesty" is a nice euphamism. You are right not to judge, and i don't b/c i have given out digits on dates if i can find away to do it subtlely. But i am a big believer that your time is precious, and if you are not enjoying the date, in a perfect world make an excuse, leave with the onus of contact on yourself, and go find your friends and keep trying.
Was there really no way your friend could have given this guy her number on the DL? I think it was terribly rude for her to do so while on a date. I mean, how would she feel if she was on a date with a guy and he did the same thing? Maybe her date didn't realize that she wasn't feeling it, maybe he liked her and it hurt his feelings. Why not just end the date early and move on?
Personally, if I want out of a date, I usually just tell the guy I'm tired (and let's face it, a bad date can be exausting!).
That would take some guts. I like the blunt approach, not an ass, just blunt.
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