Dating Irrationally?
Just stumbled across an interesting piece of reading material. A new book just came out last week that claims to help us singletons understand why we are still single - a nugget of information that certainly got my attention.Jillian Strauss’s book, Unhooked Generation, claims that mitigating factors in our current state of affairs, such as the proliferation of casual dating (especially in the online space) and an attitude toward mass consumption (“gotta have it now”), have all shaped the way that my generation views relationships and commitment. She claims we develop unrealistic expectations about relationships by way of a “checklist,” meaning a list of things that are important to us in relationships (values, hobbies, etc.). Her theory is that people my age are putting more emphasis on hobbies and short-term things than we are on values and items of long-term importance. In turn, if we don’t find the things we’re looking for, we choose to remain single and partake in non-committal scenarios.
I’ve always felt that my choices in men get better with experience, since essentially I get to weed out all of the qualities that don’t fly with me – thus, creating my own “checklist” of sorts. The thing is, the longer I date the longer my checklist gets. Hence, my standards get higher and higher as time goes on, which of course leads to less and less prospects that will be able to make me happy and I will end up a lonely old spinster.
**Ah cynicism, can’t let three paragraphs go by without slipping that in can I?
Now, I think my parents raised me right; therefore my checklist is getting filled up with long-term line items versus the latter. For example, I personally do not care if my future husband rollerblades or has blonde hair, but he damn well better be able to tell me how he feels and be honest about it.
So the big question here is does Ms. Strauss have a point when she implies that our checklists are irrational? Are we looking for someone that essentially doesn’t exist and not giving anyone outside of the box a fleeting chance? Part of me says she is right, but to play devil’s advocate, why should we settle for less than we want, especially if the items on our purported checklists are fully justified? After all, straying too far from our checklists will result in someone who is likely incompatible, yet an exact match isn't out there anyway...so where's the happy medium?
Unhooked Generation: The Truth About Why We're Still Single
posted by Lisa @ 5:17 PM
4 Comments:
Such a hard call. I actually took a look at this book recently, too. I think we have to have some idea of what we want but enough flexibility to know a different kind of fabulous when it walks up. Who know...sigh.
I'm going to have to purchase this.
this is interesting... i should try and get my hands on this...
That book sounds horrid. Does the author even factor for chemistry? If relationships were as simple as a barter, we would all be in one (assuming we wanted one). I understand where she got her checklist point, but don't you know women that have one, and then throw it out the door when they meet someone they click with? My hairs stand on end when someone tries to enforce a blame paradigm, which both excludes me and traps me. i say, Don't Buy, just go live your life and have fun. you could be out meeting fun people instead of reading the book to try to find out Why.
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