Un-neighborly
I’ve mentioned that I have a love/hate relationship with my neighborhood. Aside from the obvious gentrification and the constant construction, I also have a plethora of corner hoodlums. One lovely thing I must endure just because I'm a girl are un-welcome comments from said corner hoodlums.Come on ladies, we all know what I'm talking about.
At any time of day...in the morning when I’m makeup-less and bed-head ridden, after-work and in the wee hours of the morning when my face has clearly started to melt, the crazies on my block are relentless. Sometimes I stay calm and keep walking, pretending that I never heard anything, and sometimes I turn the volume up on my iPod.
Tonight wasn’t sometimes. Tonight I was bothered.
I ran out to grab a bottle of wine to "assist" in my holiday weekend packing process. As I was crossing back over the street on my way home, a corner crazy on a bike started to slow down behind me as I turned the corner.
I was walking fast, but he purposely slowed to make sure I could hear his comments. I planned to ignore as usual, but then he spoke:
“If you were four pounds lighter do you know what I’d do?”
I kept walking. Wondering why he chose four. Not three. Not five. Four.
“If you were four pounds lighter, I’d follow you around the world.”
"Oh goodie," I thought. "Now that'd be such a treat!"
He was still slowly following me so I stopped abruptly. “Keep going!” I yelled while giving him a good, long, fully annoyed stare.
“I was just stopping for some sushi anyway,” he said as he pulled his crap bike up next to a smallish, Japanese restaurant.
Although impressed at his correct observation, I kept walking away. As I walked off, he yelled out his final coup de grace. “Fine! I’d only follow you if you were FIVE pounds lighter!”
I gave a chuckle to myself at his completely crazy declaration, but I couldn’t help to be put off by this.
Its one thing for me to want to lose weight (which, let’s face it, all women want), but it’s quite another for some crazy dude to confirm that wish in a drunken tirade.
So now, as I pack for my nice long weekend, I’m contemplating one of the following:
1) Say fuck it, and drink the entire bottle of Syrah just to prove a point
2) Put the bottle down and refrain from consuming incremental calories to tomorrow’s food fest
I’m leaning toward option #1.
posted by Lisa @ 6:40 PM
2 Comments:
I would definitely go for option #1 myself. :-) Hope you had a nice holiday!!
I'm with Niels, though I would have rather rammed the throat of the bottle up his left nostril. Why his left instead of his right? For the same reason he picked four pounds. Just because.
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