Monday, November 13, 2006

Thoughts on Waiting

For the moment, let’s flash back in time about 18 months...

I was dating the German and things were heading south. He had just returned from a three-month trip in the South Pacific, and had just taken a job in Germany. So much for giving the U.S. and US a chance.

In that trying time, all I remember doing was waiting around. Waiting around for just one email, just one text message or just one phone call. It made me feel insecure, pathetic and embarrassed. I was a walking cliché of a girl trying to convince herself that her relationship was worth the wait.

Fast forward to present time...

Now, I don’t wait around for anyone. It’s one precious lesson I learned from dating the German. I’ve stopped trying to convince myself that being unreliable is a quality I can adapt to. Case in point, his recent overture for “coffee or so.”

After recieving the German’s invitation, I had to ponder whether or not I would accept. I decided that I would be up for it, but under the conditions that I could secretly keep the upper hand. So I responded...


Sxxx –

Yeah, sure. I guess I could meet up for a bit. Let me know when you’re thinking. I have some plans this weekend so I’ll see what works...

Elle
He responded by saying Saturday or Sunday afternoon would be best. I agreed and told him to let me know. I left the decision making up to him, while I went on my merry way.

As I mentioned, I’m so glad I wasn’t waiting around because we never met up. We never met up because he didn’t make the time. All I got was a cryptic text message on Saturday saying “still in meetings...”

Typical.

I was telling my girlfriends this weekend that I now know the purpose in having seen him in the marathon - it was to show myself that I’m over him completely. Had I gotten his email invitation as a surprise, I might have reacted differently to the situation. I might have weaned on my judgment and allowed him ‘in’ just enough to bring back those feelings of insecurity and embarrassment for allowing him to have control. I would have allowed him to disappointment me yet again. Well, I knew this time not to wait for him and I’m proud of myself for that.

Fast forward to my next relationship...

I still won’t be waiting, unless I find someone that wants to wait for me too.

4 Comments:

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Silvs said...

Good for you. Good luck!!

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

that mutherf*cker! But yes, GOOD FOR YOU!

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger k said...

Yay for you!! Serves him right!!

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger nene said...

boys can be such JERKS! I am proud of you.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home