Self-Cockblocking
I love long weekends, especially when the family comes to town and I have justification for not listening to anyone from work for a whole weekend PLUS two days of vacation – all of which were to be spent with some of the best people I know. It’s also a bonus that quality family time allows me to “regress” in age about 10 years and pretend it’s perfectly fine for mom to buy me shoes and take me out to dinner.SIGH…back to reality…
For a re-entry back into normalcy I’ll begin with an update on my conversations with this guy I’ve been chatting with over email for the last couple of weeks…the thinker. Thinker and I just can’t seem to find a date to meet up for the life of me and I wonder if this is a bad sign right off the bat. Is it calamitous that my life is so full of activity that I don’t even have time for a little cocktail conversation?
Time to ponder.
I’ve been reading a book about dating (full review to come later) and it talks about how young single professionals in the city get stuck in this situation frequently. I am interested in meeting someone, however am I really ready if I can’t pass up my normal exploits for a date?
On one hand, this could be another penalty of online dating; meaning without the immediate in-person meeting there will always be a question of true worthiness for time well spent. On the other hand it could be my own career-focused, independent, happy-go-lucky neuroses, which in essence “self-cockblock” any adequate man from my view.
The book would say that "self-cockblocking" is my problem. I should make time to date even if it really doesn’t exist in my day-planner and even if the dates are out of the realm of comfort. This is the only way we worker bees will ever make it to the hive.
The book makes some valid points, mainly calling out that I’ve become accustomed to having control over my life and how I spend my time. For lots of people the thought of losing control is just plain preposterous, yet the process of dating and getting involved in relationships in itself is purely about giving up some control.
So I’ll conclude my self-analysis with this thought. Complete self-control equates to self-cockblocking. I’m limiting my options by subconsciously not finding time to spend dating different kinds of people. Hence, must pencil in Thinker and give him an evening of dedicated conversation before making up mind.
How’s that Dr. Freud?
By the way, did I ever mention I tend to overanalyze?
posted by Lisa @ 2:24 PM
5 Comments:
I think it depends on what your priorities are. Maybe you're more interested in having fun with your friends than dating at the moment? That's where I am right now. When you are really ready, meeting someone new isn't going to seem like a chore, but something to look forward to. Having said that, if you've been emailing this guy for a while, you might as well meet up and see if it's worth continuing the correspondence.
OMG - these were my exact thoughts this morning as I can't even find time to call back guys that I've talked to online. Is that why I'm not dating? Because I don't have time?
What is this book you've been reading??
"Happy-go-lucky neuroses"? There's an oxymoronic phrase if e'er there was one.
The book's cited premises are odd. Why should being in control of your agenda entail not having time to date anyone? If you are making time to date somebody, then it is you are the one who is exercising the control necessary to make that time. In any event, a lot of men (this one included) find independent, self-confident and organised women attractive.
And what the Dickens does "out of the realm of comfort" mean? There is nothing good per se about being uncomfortable: quite the contrary, although some discomfort can be worthwhile if the long-term benefits exceed the short-term detriment that is the dicomfort itself.
And there's no such thing as overanalysis: one can never analyse anything too much in so far as the analysis is correct, or too little in so far as the analysis is incorrect, but, in that case, it is the incorrectness, and not the quantity per se, that is the criticism.
Do you really want to trust an author who tries to coin the term "cockblocking?"
dolly - You've hit the nail on the head my dear...
erin - It's called "Unhooked Generation"...not so sure how I'm feeling about it just yet, but it's a thought provoking read to say the least...
coatman - I should clarify a bit. Glad to hear having it together is attractive...perhaps it's just a problem on my side of the pond?? Also, "cockblocking" was coined my some cheeky American ages ago. Despite the uncouth ring to the term, I'm still not so sure that her theory on people my age "not dedicating adequate time to finding a mate" holds any weight. Will need to provide further analysis once I've got her POV in perspective.
elle
i think that book discusses an interesting point. SCB is a great term for that which it describes; i do it at times, and loads of my mates do. And the term is known over here, just maybe not by all.
Maybe one just needs to identify when one is doing it. and then determine why. if the Why is acceptable to who you are at the time, fine. if it is not, then take a risk and don't do it, even if out of comfort zone. And take it from someone who left her friends/family/country to move to a country where she knew no one: being OOCZ is risky, uncomfortable, but can have ginormous positive consequences.
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