Reporting from the field…literally…
Every time I come home I’m quickly reminded how infinitely different my life is in New York. Instead of $10 martinis there are $2 draft Leinie’s. Instead of Pravda, there is The Buck. Instead of Central Park, there is infinite wide, green space and miles of running track better known as a state trail. Instead of a pricey (albeit delish) meal at Blue Smoke, there is a home cooked meal over the backyard Weber grill. Instead of a $4 Starbucks coffee, there is a local establishment that comes fully loaded with fireplace and board games.In a nutshell, life in a small Midwest town is a direct juxtaposition of urban life. What I love about New York I could never have here, but what I love about home I could never have in New York, and I’m beginning to think my personality is connected in the same way.
I came home to partake in a series of family events: graduation, recitals, birthdays, grad parties...it’s truly a jam-packed 10 days. But I also was looking forward to coming home to decompress. My mom has always said it takes me three days of being here to “normalize” (i.e., lose the City ‘tude and start acting like a normal person). Sadly...she is a little bit right. I’ve now passed the 3-day threshold and I’ve started to see more clearly.
Whenever I am here, I feel there are certain parts of myself that I shouldn’t show because I’ll just come off as a brash, “big city girl.” So, my blunt nature morphs into a fog of politeness and smiles. No one here understands why I left the Midwest for such a place and I’m always caught explaining myself. "It’s so big and far away." "Isn’t it dangerous?" "Oh...so Elle, how do you like it 'out there?'" Fellow high-school graduates now have houses next to my parents place, and neighbors with three kids under the age of six are now closer to my age than my parent’s ages. It’s a different world out here.
On the contrary, I also tend to leave parts of my Midwest self here when I board the plane back to the City. New York takes the uber-niceness out of me and I turn back into this shrewd business-minded woman, hell bent on making a decent living. I get on the subway each day and keep my headphones on and head down until my stop. It’s almost robotic at times. Never would I go running in Central Park and wave at every single person who I passed. Here, it would be rude not to wave! Finally, a certain innocent, non-chalant and unharried air dissipates into always havng a destination and goal in mind...it's never about the journey getting there.
This past Memorial Day was the fifth anniversary of me hauling myself cross-country to move into New York. So, why is it, after all this time that I’m feeling there are bits and pieces of myself that never have existed at the same time together? Is it possible for the good parts of small town and urban life to coexist?
I’ve still got seven days left here, but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it and ponder ways that I can stay normalized when back in the big bad apple. Not thinking about how to make my client money, how I look, how I'm going to fit in all the crap that doesn't really matter...is really quite refreshing. I've regained a clear state of mind and I hope that I can return to my little shoebox on the west side with some semblance of that clarity.
posted by Lisa @ 12:42 PM
3 Comments:
I noticed a difference even just between the ruralness of where I'm from and DC which is just 45 miles away. I can't imagine the difference between the midwest and NYC.
understand. empathise. sympathise. realise. weatherford texas to london england. the distance between is more than miles. don't be confused that you act differently, as long as you continually ask yourself are you acting in a way that refelcts You. and of course, that definition will change as your experiences change. It all works together. heard about London yet?
Oh how I can relate! Afterall, I gave up the city life to return to the Midwest full time. At times, I go all "New York" on things, but mainly, I'm trying to stay focused on the good and bad of both my "city self" and "the way I was raised self." I think both can live together. Isn't it a buddist thing to say "it's not where you are it's where you going?" Or is it "it's not who you are it's where you are?" HA. Whatever...you get the point.
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