Avenue Elle

After a length of time, in which I’ve been able to kick him out of my life for good and move on, receiving this just royally pisses me off. Why? Oh, I will tell you (and please excuse the ranting here, but as you probably can tell, I’m thoroughly annoyed).

We broke up last June after an arduous long-distance relationship that spanned the Eastern seaboard/Atlantic Ocean for the better part of a year. As I mentioned, I got an email from him as the method of severance. As if that isn’t infuriating enough.

Over the course of the last 8 months or so, I’ve had my fair share of tears, outright bitchiness and borderline depression, but in 2006 I’ve officially climbed back into the world of the living and am extremely happy to be here.

So now I’ve received this pathetic attempt at a “hello, how are you” email in my inbox after having talked with him for a total of – maybe - ten minutes this entire year. What pisses me off now is his misguided and pathetic use of the phrase “miss you.” What the…

Guys, enlighten me. Puh-leeze. Because I feel as if there is a hidden alarm embedded near every man’s hormone center that suddenly goes off when a former conquest goes MIA (aka: gets over you). Does he really miss me? Doubtful.

Clearly, I am not going to respond to this sad attempt to bait me once more. However I would like to offer a few simple break-up tips for all guys who have or will encounter a break-up situation in their future (That’s right, ALL OF YOU):

1. Do not, I repeat, do not send a woman an email to break up with her. On the contrary, be a man and break things off to her face. I’d say about 99.9% of the “normal” women out there will have more respect for you in the long run if you show them some respect by being honest. After all, we’re all adults here, right? Hmm, ok…I guess not.
2. After said break up, do not continue to leisurely use the phrase “miss you,” or any phrase with similar connotations. Cut the cord and don’t treat her like you miss her when – newsflash – YOU BROKE UP WITH HER.
3. If there is an attempt to be friends after the relationship’s demise, how about trying to be a normal person about it as opposed to sending a lame-ass, two-liner email? Ask about her life. Be genuinely interested and she might be genuinely interested back. And if you’re not acting platonic, please refer back to rule #2.

There it is, from me to you. Snap! I feel much better now...and by the way, my girlfriends have now dubbed the ex “tin man” in honor of him being completely devoid of any real emotion

NOTE: Yes, I am going on a trip soon. A story for another time.

posted by Lisa @ 3:34 PM